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AS I SNAP....I SOMETIME'S GET A CORKER OF A PIC, THAT MAKE'S ME GRIN !!!
AS A YOUNG MAN I WAS OFTEN TEMPTED TO THE CALL OF THE "TOP SHELF" .......JAZZ MAG'S !!! AS I GREW OLDER, AND THE THOUGHT OF LOSING MY EYE SIGHT WAS ON THE HORIZON.......I STOPPED, WITH THE HELP FROM W.A (******* ANONYMOUS !!!)
AS I REACH FOR THE MIDDLE SHELF FOR MY TREASURE HUNTER AND SEARCHER MAG'S THESE DAY'S, AS LONG AS I DONT LOOK UP......I SHOULD'NT FALL OFF THE WAGON........MUD GOD.
SOME OF US NEVER GREW OUT OF IT !!!
NOW, WHERE DID I LEAVE MY MAC ???
I'M LOOKING FOR FOOT FETISH MONTHLY !!!
TRY AND STOP, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE........
CONTROL IT, DONT LOOK UP !!!
MIDDLE SHELF VIEWING.....WOMAN'S OWN AND READER'S DIGEST !!! (NO PROBLEM'S HERE !!!) STILL BEING DRAWN TO THE TOP SHELF.....DONT LOOK UP......DONT DO IT !!!
I CANT HELP MYSELF...GOTTA LOOK UP !!!
AND AFTER FALLING OFF THE WAGON.......AND PEEKING AT THE TOP SHELF !!!
JUST A BLOODY GLANCE !!!
AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS......STICK WITH DETECTING MAG'S, AND GIVE JAZZ MAG'S A WIDE BIRTH.......THAT MEAN'S YOU CANADIAN PETER, JEFF AND VINCE.....THINK OF YOUR EYE'S BOY'S !!!
RICK'S CHRONIC DIARRHOEA !!!!
DO YOU REMEMBER STANDING ON SOUTHWARK BRIDGE A COUPLE OF MONTH'S AGO.....WHEN RICK HAD TO SHOOT OFF AT BREAK NECK SPEED TO THE PETROL STATION BY THE CAFE, AND THE GUY WOULD'NT LET HIM HAVE THE TOILET KEY ??? RICK HAD CAUGHT A BUG FROM THE THAMES, AND HAD THE CALL OF THE BIG BROWN Y-FRONT RIVER......LOOK AT THE PIC TO SEE WHAT WENT ON !!!
DO NOT LEAVE THE DEVIL SKID'S, IN MY PORCELAIN TRUMPET TO THE GOD'S !!!
GIVE ME THE KEY, I'M GONNA SH*T MYSELF !!!
YOUR MEANT FILL UP AT THE ESSO STATION ???.....BUT THAT DOES'NT MEAN OLD ABDUL'S KARZY......RICK !!!
AND MORAL OF THIS STORY ??? "RICK IS FULL OF SH*T"!!!.........SORRY............WAS !!!
STILL IS !!!
SLAP HEAD BLUE'S !!!
SOME GET UP-TIGHT, ABOUT BEING A SLAP HEAD !!!......MINE'S DIFFERENT.....I WAS GIVEN THE HAIR OF A NORMAL FIVE FOOT EIGHT PERSON....AND BEING SIX FOOT SIX......IVE JUST GROWN THROUGH THE TOP OF IT !!!
AS YOU ALL KNOW....AFTER EVERY DIG, I WASH IN THE THAMES !!!.....I STARTED TO NOTICE MORE HAIR ON MY ARM'S, AFTER EACH WASHING SESSION......THIS GAVE ME A IDEA ???
REMEMBER THE HAIR'S GROWING ON MY ARM'S, AFTER WASHING IN THE THAMES !!!
THE OLD SLAP HEAD'S GETTING ME DOWN !!!
THE IDEA IS ???......I PLACE THE OLD THAMES JUICE ON THE HEAD.....AND FINGER'S CROSSED !!!
PLACING THE THAMES JUICE RIGHT HERE !!!
THIS IS THE OLD THAMES ELIXIR, FOR FOLICLE GROWTH !!!
TWO SCOOP'S, ON THE OLD BACON !!!
I'M TRYING TO KEEP THE OLD JUICE, ON THE BALD PART OF MY HEAD !!!
IT SEEM'S TO HAVE SUNK IN !!!
3.....2......1 !!!
ALL ON......NOW WAIT FOR FIVE MIN'S....."I CAN FEEL MOVEMENT" !!!
F ***ING HELL.....I'M KEVIN KEEGAN (WITH A HINT, OF MY NAN !!!)
NO MORE "MR SLAP HEAD" !!! I CAN NOW HOLD MY HEAD HIGH....THANK'S TO GOOD OLD THAMES WATER !!!
THAMES JUICE HAS CHANGED MY LIFE.....NO MORE STANDING IN THE KITCHEN AT PARTY'S !!!
SO NATURAL.....JUST LIKE NEIL OLIVER OF COAST !!!
I FEEL LIKE A DOG WITH TWO C***'S !!!
"HELOOO....LADY-DEEE'S" !!!
AND REMEMBER EAGLE'S LITTLE PATCH AT THE CROWN ???
HEL....OOOO !!!
"THAMES WATER" !!!.......IT'S BLOODY GREAT !!!
AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS......."I CAN NOW BUY HAIR GEL, AND NOT LOOK A C*CK AT THE COUNTER" !!!
AND A WORD OF ADVICE....DONT USE WATER FROM NEAR A RADIATION COOLING OUTLET !!!
BUGGER !!!....LOOK'S LIKE IT'S BACK TO THE KITCHEN AT PARTY'S !!!
WHO ELSE, HAS BEEN WASHING IN THE THAMES ???
DUNNY'S HAD A CAT LICK BY THE LOOK'S OF IT !!!
TRULY HORRIFIC FACIAL DISFIGUREMENT FROM WASHING IN THE THAME'S !!!
THIS POOR MAN WILL HAVE TO LIVE LOOKING LIKE THIS FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE......BECAUSE OF WASHING IN THE THAMES !!!.....THERE IS A FUND RUNNING AT THE MOMENT AT THE CLUB FOR FIELD ANDY, AND ALL PROCEEDS WILL GO TO FACIAL RECONSTRUCTION ON A SCALE THAT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE, ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD !!!......OUR THOUGHT'S ARE WITH YOU FIELD ANDY !!! (LET'S PRAY FOR THE UGLY ****)
PILSON AND FIRTH.....LOOKING GOOD !!!
SJ....YOU IS, THE DEVIL !!!
PARP !!!
LAND LUBBER'S AND PIE EATER'S !!!
I THINK SHAUN LIKE'S ME ?....AS HE SAID "HE WANT'S TO JOLLY ROGER ME" !!! SUCH A NICE SAILOR !!!
WHERE'S ME BLEEDING GRAVY !!!
AT LAST.....THE LOWER THAMES FOUR TUB IS HERE !!!.....AFTER YEAR'S OF "IT WILL BE READY IN TWO MONTH'S TIME" !!! THE BEAST IS READY TO LAUNCH, BUT WHERE'S SHAUN THE SKIPPER ??? HE'S IN THE SHIP'S GALLEY.....EATING A PIE !!! (THANK'S EAGLE....I THINK SHAUN WILL LOVE IT.......NOT !!!)
"I CAUGHT IT OFF A TOILET SEAT" ???
THE "ROCK GOD" GET'S A DOSE !!!
HOW AM I GONNA TELL THE WIFE IVE GOT CRAB'S ???
HUNG LIKE A WASP !!!
REMEMBER WHAT THEY SAY.......THE BIGGER THE CAR........THE SMALLER THE OLD TODGER ???
ME WITH MY LITTLE SUZUKI VAN (AND HUNG LIKE A DONKEY !!!) AND HERE'S CANADIAN PETER, WITH HIS V12 MUSTANG (AND HUNG LIKE A WASP !!!)
"I SAY NO MORE" !!!
I'M HUNG LIKE A WASP !!!
MORE LIKE A MOSQUITO !!!
FROM ANN...PETE'S WIFE !!!
MACKIE'S MISSIS TAKE'S A CONTRACT OUT ON THE OLD GIT !!!
SINCE OLD MACKIE FOUND THE 4-SHORE.....MR'S MACKIE'S BEEN A LITTLE BIT LONELY ON HER BEXLEYHEATH SHOPPING TRIP'S......THAT WAS UNTIL SHE MET "MUSCULAR 18 YEAR OLD TROY".....ON A RECENT TRIP TO OXFAM, TO BUY JUMPER'S FOR MACKIE !!!
GOOD NEW'S FOR MR'S MACKIE....."THE OLD GIT'S GOT A INSURANCE POLICY"......BAD NEW'S FOR MACKIE ???.....TROY NEED'S RALPH LAUREN JUMPER'S !!!...... SO, SHE'S PUT A CONTRACT OUT ON POOR OLD MACKIE !!! (AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE ASASSINATION ATTEMPT HERE)
TROY...AS HIS HEAD GET'S NEARER, TURN THE BLOODY KEY !!!
YES.....MRS MACKIE !!!
"TROY.....YOU LOOK SO SAUCY IN THAT JUMPER" !!! "THANK'S MR'S M......FANCY GOING TO BEXLEYHEATH" ???
A WHOLE NEW MEANING TO GETTING WOOD !!!
MUST BE THOSE BLUE TABLET'S THAT PAT GATE'S SOLD ME ???
"BRUCE IT'S MUDLARKING, NOT BLOODY BEE KEEPING" !!!
STEVEN HAWKIN'S EAT MY SHORT'S !!!
AND WHY THE F***, IS HE WEARING A PARACHUTE ???
DAVID BELLAMY LOOK'S A BIT ROUGH THESE DAY'S !!!
GREAT FIBROUS WOOT'S !!!
GEORGE GET'S WORLD'S FIRST FULL DOUBLE HAND TRANSPLANT FROM DONOR "BRUCE LEE" !!!
YOU WANT D.V.D
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU TURN ON YOUR MACHINE, AND THE VOLUME'S CRANKED RIGHT UP ???
BEEP !!!
BEEP !!!
AXE DISCOVER'S THE VELCRO CAPABILITIES OF HIS MOUSTACHE, TO LARGE DENOMINATION NOTE'S !!!
IT'S F*****G STUCK !!!......HELP US OUT CHAP'S.
MACKIE TELL'S US HIS LIFE STORY !!!
I WANNA HANG MYSELF AT THIS MOMENT IN TIME, FOR SOME STRANGE REASON ???
SO THAT'S WHEN I DECIDED I WANTED TO BE CALLED BRENDA !!!
ZZZZZZZZ
TWELVE HOUR'S LATER !!!
COUNTRY'S FIRST "EXTERNAL" SCROTUM TRANSPLANT, AS MODELLED BY PORTA PETE !!!
"YEP DOC, I'M WELL PLEASED WITH MY BOY'S IN THE BARRACK'S" !!!
IT'S A DOG'S LIFE !!!
I WANNA A DOG THAT DIG'S UP COIN'S FROM THE MUD !!!
I WANNA A OWNER THAT TAKE'S ME TO THE FRIGGING PARK.......NOT THE BLOODY THAMES, "UTTER BASTARD"!!!
WHERE'S THAT BLOODY DOG !!!
WHILST ROCK GOD SEARCHES FOR FIDO TILL LATE INTO THE NIGHT.......MEANWHILE FIDO'S HAVING FUN IN THE PARK WITH HIS NEW OWNER'S, WHO THROW BALL'S, TICKLE HIS BELLY AND HATE MUD !!!
JUST REMEMBER, IF YOU KNOW OF A DOG BEING FORCED INTO NON-DOG ACTIVITIES AND MUD WORSHIP, RING THE DOG HELPLINE ON O207-882-8942. DOG'S ARE FOR LIFE, NOT THE THAMES !!!
IT'S A PASS FOR AXE !!!
WHERE'S ME BLEEDING "OYSTER" CARD
GET THE PUN THERE...."OYSTER"...."THAMES"......O'FORGET IT !!!
REMEMBER THE OLD THAMES AND FIELD INITATION TEST FROM THE OLD WEBSITE.......AXE HAS STARTED IT AGAIN AT THAMESMEAD, BY THE LOOK'S OF THING'S.......AND IT'S A PASS WITH FLYING COLOUR'S !!!
SUPER DECIMAL MAN !!!
MAN OF STEEL....ALRIGHT THEN.....FORMICA !!!
DID YOU SEE THAT....THAT BLOKE WALKED STRAIGHT THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THE PIER !!!
BLOODY HOOLIGAN !!!
FASTER THEN A SPEEDING........CORNISH PASTY
ABLE TO LEAP TALL...........KERB'S !!!
IT'S MILD MANNERED BRUCE COCKS
FRUIT FROM A FRUIT !!!
WITH ALL THE AMAZING FIND'S YOU CAN HAVE ON THE THAMES.....WHAT'S FIELD ANDY HAD ???.....FRIGGING FRUIT !!!
I'D LOVE A NIBBLE ANDY !!!
CATCH ME....CATCH ME....YOU SAUCY WOMAN !!!
I THINK IT'S 17th !!!
THINKING ABOUT IT.....IVE NEVER FOUND A MELON ??? BUT THEN......WOULD I REALLY WANT TOO !!!
WHERE'S THERE'S BLAME....THERE'S A CLAIM..........
AND A BLACK DOG !!!
I ONLY WANTED A WALK IN THE PARK.....YOU BAS**** !!!
SHUT UP AND PLAY DEAD !!!
ROCK GOD WAIT'S FOR THE OWNER OF HERBIE TO RETURN, SO HE CAN MAKE A FRAUDULENT CLAIM ON A REVERSING INCIDENT......."THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN".......AS HE'S LEFT A BLACK DOG SITTING BY THE FRONT BUMPER !!!
WHEN BELLY BUTTON PIERCING'S GO WRONG !!!
MY PRINCE ALBERT'S EVEN WORSE !!!
CENSORSHIP NEEDED FOR THIS SMALL.....EXCEEDINGLY SMALL AREA !!!
WHY DO TIME TEAM ALWAY'S PUT ME BEHIND BAR'S WHEN I WORK FOR THEM ???
AND DONT FEED THE ANIMAL !!!
ALRIGHT TONY........
I GET TO GRIP'S WITH MY FEMININE SIDE
DOES MY BUM LOOK BIG IN THIS ???
YEAH...FU****G MASSIVE !!!
WHEN STEVE URWIN MET NOEL COWARD !!!
"O, THE JOY'S OF DETECTING IN A HOT CLIMATE WITH A GIN AND TONIC IN ONE HAND, AND A SMALL SNAKE IN MY CIGARETTE CASE POCKET" !!!
I DO LIKE A MAN IN A BRA ???
IT'S ALWAY'S BUSY AT WEIGHT WATCHER'S !!!
IT'S A FACT, YOUR BODY LET'S YOU KNOW WHEN YOUR FULL !!!
SEEM'S LIKE THERE NOT TALKING AGAIN THEN ???
JACK DUCKWORTH'S STONE CLADDING COME'S CLOSE !!!
HAVE A LOOK AT THIS "TACKY / CRAP / BINGO WIN / SH*T FIND"!!! IT'S THE NAFF-EST THING IVE EVER SEEN.....EVEN MY MENTAL NAN WOULD THROW THIS OUT......JACK DUCKWORTH WOULD EVEN TURN HIS BACK ON IT TOO....SO I CAN SEE WHY IT ENDED UP IN THE MUD !!!
P.S GM JOHN BOUGHT IT OFF ME FOR A TENNER, AS HE WANTED SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT SPECIAL FOR A ANNIVERSARY PRESENT FOR HIS WIFE STEPH....THAT MAN IS SMOOTH....THREE DUCK'S AND A MURIAL SPRING TO MIND !!!
MOVE OVER THE HORSE BRASSES ON GM's MANTLEPIECE.....THERE'S A PILE OF ELEPHANT SH*T COMING THROUGH......IT'S BAD....REAL BAD !!!
SIGN LANGUAGE (LESSON ONE)
I USE THIS ONE A LOT !!!
"I NEED MY BAG CHANGED, PLEASE NURSE"!!!
HARRY POTTER'S LET HIMSELF GO !!!
F**K OFF, HOGWORT !!!
BAD MANNER'S COME BACK TOUR !!!
ON TOUR IN ALL GOOD KEEBAB HOUSES NEAR YOU !!!
WHEN THE LIGHT'S ON ???
BUT......NOBODY'S IN !!!
JUST PLAIN
BABY SITTING SERVICE.......CAN I HELP YOU !!!
FRIGHTENING !!!
GIVE ME YOUR BLOODY CLUB FIND'S !!!
BUT I NEED TO PUT FOOD ON THE TABLE.......AND IN ANOTHER 83 YEAR'S......I MIGHT NOT BE HERE !!!
COMPASSIONATE........NOT !!!
CONSTIPATION !!!
NEARLY THERE....THANK GOD !!!
I ALWAY'S SAID DUNNY WAS FULL OF SH*T !!!
THE BOSTON STRANGLER COME'S TO BELVEDERE !!!
THE SQ ROUTE OF 89 IS.......AAHHHHH !!!
OUR PRAYER'S HAVE BEEN ANSWERD !!!
(PRAISE THE LORD !!!)
WHAT DO YOU WEAR, WHEN YOU DINE AT GORDON RAMSAY'S ???
YOU CAN F*UK OFF, IN THAT T-SHIRT !!!
KEN DODD'S LOOKING ROUGH THESE DAY'S ???
HAVE YOU SEEN MY DIDDY MAN !!!
YEA...IT'S WELL SMALL !!!
MAN CAUGHT FLASHING, IN HOTEL LOBBY AGAIN !!!
POLICE VIEW CCT CAMERA'S.....BUT FIND, NO CLUE'S !!!
JUST HIDE "JANET AND JOHN BUY A PUPPY" INSIDE YOUR PAPER......AND NOBODY WILL KNOW !!!
FLASH SHOW'S US, HIS BACK DOOR !!!
DO YOU WANT TO BE MY FRIEND ???
NO !!!
MUDLARK'S INITIATION TEST
ARE YOU HARD ENOUGH ???
IGOR.......YOU GRAB THERE GARLIC AND WOODEN STAKE'S.........AND I'LL BITE THERE NECK'S.......WE MUST HAVE BLOOD !!!
MASTER OF DARKNESS.....WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ???
THE TRANSILVANIA TWO-SOM !!!
DO VAMPIRE'S STILL EXIST...........THEY "BLOODY" DO AT THAMES AND FIELD (GET IT "BLOODY" DO) O-FORGET IT......I'M WASTED ON HERE !!!
FIND A MATE "THE THAMES AND FIELD DATING SRVICE" (FOR COSMONAUT'S)
ELLO........MYZ NAME IS VERN NOCK-ABOLLOCK-OFF, ANZ I'M A RUSSIAN COSMONAUT.....WHOZ COM TO ZIS GREAT COUNTRY TO PLUNDER ZE BENEFIT'S SYSTEM.
VILST I'M HERE......I'Z WILL BEEZ LOOKING FOR ZE LOVE.......AS YOOZ CAN ZEE "I'Z AM A VERY'S SNAPPY DRESSER" AND IR'S AMPLE IN ZE LOVE DEPARTMANT (USING ZE HOUSE BRICK AND STRING SYSTEM FOR ZE EXTRA LENGTH)
I'Z HAVE BEEN'Z A FACIAL MODEL FOR'Z "MUNTERHOUND" BEST DOG'S FOOD COMPANY HERE'S IN HOME LAND RUSSIA..........SO HENSE ZAT CHISLED JAW'S LINE OF'S MINE.
SO'Z LADY'Z OF BRITAIN.......RINZ ME NOW'Z, VIA ZIS WEBSITE FOR ZE LOVE...........VERN NOCK-ABOLLOCK-OFF !!!
IM'Z VERN'Z NOCKABOLLOCK AT YOUR CERVIX.......I'Z AM TOP MODEL IN'Z HOME LAND GRYAZUKHA......AN'Z ARE LOOKINZ FOR ENGLISH LOVE......AN'Z CHEAP LADA CAR IF POSSIBLE
IS THAT PERMANENT COSMETIC FILLER BEING USED THERE VERN ???
CRYAZUKHA.......IS A RUSSIAN RIVER......MEANING "MUD HOLE" !!!
LOOK CLOSELY.........IS THAT "LESLIE ASH" UNDER THAT HOOD ???
BIG VERN
COMING TO A SCHOOL GATE NEAR YOU !!!
JUST SAY NO KID'S !!!
THE MACKIE'S ON TOUR !!!
I THOUGHT MACKIE LOOK'S A BIT BURNT HERE......BUT MR'S MACKIE'S LEFT THE SUN BLOCK AT HOME............BY THE LOOK'S OF THING'S !!!
YOU WANT FRIGGING BROWNIE POINT'S.......GET ME THE CALAMINE LOTION
MACKIE'S GOT A BLOW UP CHOPPER !!!
WHEN YOU GET TO HIS AGE......I SPOSE EVEN THE VIAGRA DOES'NT WORK !!!
BLOODY AMAZING THAT ???
SO THAT'S WHEN I DECIDED I WANTED TO BE CALLED BRENDA
EVEN HALF WAY ROUND THE WORLD......"HE TELL'S HIS LIFE STORY AGAIN".......AND CLEAR'S THE BAR.......BLOODY UN-REAL !!!
EVEL "GINGER GASTER" KNIEVEL
ESSEX SUPREMO STUNT MAN
A MAN BARELY ALIVE...........AFTER NUMOROUS STUNT JUMP ACCIDENT'S, THIS MAN IS HELD TOGETHER WITH DUCT TAPE, CHICKEN WIRE AND FLESH-COLOURED STICKY TAPE.
AFTER HIS 1972 NEAR FATAL ATTEMPT TO JUMP HIS LOCAL LIDL'S SUPERMARKET'S TROLLEY COMPOUND........WHICH HORRIFICALLY RESULTED IN THE FULL LOSS OF GINGER'S BRAIN. SURGEONS WORKED FOR 28 HOUR'S ON GINGER'S BRAIN (27 OF THOSE WERE JUST TRYING TO FIND IT IN THE FIRST PLACE) AND THUS ENDED IT, BY DONATING GINGER'S BRAIN TO A RECIPROCANT OF THE SAME SIZE MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY (A RETARDED SPARROW)
SO "GINGER GASTER" IS NOW BRITAIN'S FIRST SURVIVING BRAIN DONOR...........AND AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE PICTURE, IS BACK IN FULL TRAINING FOR HIS NEXT JUMP.........THE "LINEN BASKET IN HIS ESSEX ABODE" AND WITH NO SAFETY NET IN SIGHT !!!
ANYONE SEEN MY BICYCLE PUMP
TRUE BRITISH GRIT............THIS IS EVEL"GINGER GASTER"KNIEVEL BACK IN FULL TRAINING IN LONDON AT THE WEEKEND.........WHAT A HERO !!!
and his real name was evel.........not evil.......you thought it was a god gaff...........again !!!
REASON'S NOT TO HAVE A PROBE !!!
THAT VIBRATING MODE'S A BIT SAUCY........BUT HOW AM I GONNA CHANGE THE BATTERIES NOW ???
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU FORGOT YOU LEFT YOUR PROBE IN YOUR BACK POCKET, AND THEN YOU SIT DOWN ON IT !!!
SAGA TOUR'S AND PROBE'S GO HAND IN HAND..........OR IN RICK'S CASE UP THE JACK JONE'S !!!
FIND THAMES LOVE NOW !!!
GINGER GASTER THAMES ESCORT SERVICES
GASTER'S LOVE PIPE !!!
LOVE MENU AS FOLLOW'S
ROLE PLAY: VERY GOOD AT SCOTTISH SAILOR'S WITH A HINT OF POPEYE.
MUD FETISH WORK: WASH MY BOOT'S AFTER A SESSION AT ROTHERHITHE
SPECIALIZED SMOKING FETISH: 16th TO 17th CENTURY PIPE'S ALWAY'S USED........YOU PICK THE CENTURY FOR A SMALL ADDED FEE.
HIDE THE GINGER BEER BOTTLE: THIS MAY CONTAIN WATER OR REALLY WEIRD........"GINGER BEER" !!!
I RUN A POLITICALLY CORRECT WEBSITE, AND WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT GINGER GASTER IS NOT HOMOSEXUAL (He just help's out at weekend's when there busy !!!)
RECESSION HIT'S BRIGHTON PIER HARD
RAE AND STEPH HIT THE SEASIDE TOWN OF BRIGHTON TO FIND THE CREDIT CRUNCH HAS HIT HARD THERE TOO !!!
I'M A BIT PARTIAL TO SOME WINKLE RAE !!!
FANCY SOME SEA FOOD STEPH ???
HYPERCONDRIAC'S CORNER
I ONCE HAD MY HEAD KNOCKED OFF AND THEN FELL INTO A COMBINE HARVESTER WHILST WALKING ROUND WRATTON'S WITH A CACTUS DOWN MY Y-FRONT'S.........DID I MOAN....."NO" !!! (ok wratton's tour was really painfull, and i did have to scream out loud.......but remember a man can only take so much !!!)
AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE PICTURE.......TITTY BOY G.M GET'S A TINY WOODEN SPLINTER IN HIS THUMB (YOU CANT EVEN SEE IT CAN YOU) AND WINGHES LIKE A GIRL........ESSEX TITTY BOY !!!
STEPH STEPH MY THUMB.......GET A PIN........I'M GONNA DIE !!!
GM YOU CANT EVEN SEE ANYTHING YOU TITTY BOY, THERE'S NOWT THERE ???
BY THE WAY HE'S GOING ON YOU'D THINK THERE WAS A MASSIVE WOODEN TYPE STAKE STUCK IN HIS THUMB ???
BLADDER WEAKNESS AND INCONTINENCE !!!
ON A RECENT SAGA HOLIDAY TRIP TO THE BLEAK, BARON AND VERY "DRY" SAHARA DESERT........WHAT DID RAE FORGET TO PACK.......YES YOU GUESSED IT (SORRY YOU GUSHED IT, IS MORE LIKE IT) HER "TENA LADY PAD'S" !!! (INDUSTRIAL FLOW SIZE)
SO AFTER A SIGHT SNEEZING FIT, AND FOUR MILLION GALLON'S LATER....JUST REMEMBER......INCONTINENCE EQUAL'S...."TENA LADY PAD'S"....DONT GO ANYWHERE WITH OUT THEM !!!
BLADDER WEAKNESS......IT'S THE FUTURE (and garlic bread)
WISH I'D PACKED MY ARM BAND'S NOW
THOSE TEN PINT'S OF STELLA WITH MY BREAKFAST DID'NT HELP
A WEAK BLADDER..........DONT LET IT GET YOU DOWN......THINK TENA LADY
SHIP'S BRAKE TIME !!!
ANCHOR
W +
FROM THE FACE OF AN ANGEL !!!
TO THE FACE OF A ROBBER'S DOG !!!
MAN BAG TIME !!!
THE TIME COME'S IN EVERY MAN'S LIFE WHEN HE FEEL'S AT EASE WITH HIS MASCULINITY........I OFTEN MOW THE LAWN IN MY WIFE'S KNICKER'S !!!
DOES MY BUM LOOK BIG IN THIS ???
EVERYONE SEZ THEIR BABY LOOK'S BEAUTIFUL IN THEIR EYE'S.........BUT IN SOME CASES THEY REALLY ARE........"F***ING UGLY"!!!
TIME FOR SOME BREAST SPROG !!!
YUMMY
MUD GOD AND CANADIAN (ROLF HARRIS) PETER
CLUB TROPICANA DRINK'S ARE FREE
TWO LITTLE BOY'S HAD TWO LITTLE TOY'S
BUGGER ME.........CHECK OUT MY SIMON COWELL WAISTBAND HEIGHT.......AND "CAN YOU GUESS WHAT IT IS"..........WITH WHAT'S GOING ON WITH CANADIAN PETER'S LOOK ???
WHY DO SO MANY WOMEN FORGET THEIR GYNECOLOGIST APPOINTMENT'S THESE DAY'S ???
DR ANDREW RICHARDS AT YOUR CERVIX........COME ON IN
BLOODY HELL.........SAY NO MORE LADIES.........I'D CANCEL TOO !!!
DO YOU REMEMBER THE REAL ROMAN LEATHER PANT'S ON THE CONSERVATION STAND AT THE MUSEUM OF LONDON ???
SNIFF !!!
SOME CANT FORGET THEM......SPARTICUS-IS-SKIDDIE'S !!!
